Book Review: The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

If you’re riding the perimenopause wave, The Let Them Theory might just be the self-help guide your stressed-out brain didn’t realize it needed. Mel Robbins’ new book delivers one big, simple idea: you can’t control what other people think, say, or do—but you can control your response, your boundaries, your choices. And in this season of life, those may be the most radical tools you have.

What the Book Is About

The core message is made up of two parts: “Let Them” and “Let Me.”
- Let Them means allowing others to be who they are (with their moods, judgements, behaviors), without trying to micromanage, fix or force them to change.
- Let Me means focusing inward—on what you can do, how you respond, what you need, what boundaries you set. It’s about choosing peace and clarity rather than exhausting control.
Robbins uses stories (her own and others’), simple mindset exercises, and psychological research to show how letting go of control over others can lower stress and improve well-being.
The book also addresses common fears: fear of being judged, fear of letting go, fear of losing control—and suggests small, everyday ways to lean into this new mindset.

What Works — Especially for Perimenopause

Here’s how this “Let Them / Let Me” idea hits especially relevant during perimenopause:

Mood Swings & External Stress
Hormonal changes can make everything feel amplified—small things sting more deeply. Let Them helps by giving you mental permission to not take others’ behavior personally, or try to fix what you can’t, which can ease some emotional overload.
Boundary Fatigue
This is life stage where many are juggling job, family, relationships, health. Trying to make everyone else happy—especially when your energy is patchy—leaves you drained. The Let Me side reminds you: your boundaries matter. Saying “no,” conserving energy, protecting your peace isn’t selfish, it’s essential.
Body Changes & Self-Critique
Perimenopause brings skin changes, weight shifts, fatigue—things society often wants you to hide or “fix.” Letting go of others’ opinions (real or perceived) can free up some mental space to treat your changing body with kindness.
Stress, Sleep, and Healing
A lot of perimenopause discomfort is worsened by stress hormones, lack of sleep, constant worry about what’s “wrong” or “going out of control.” The mindset in this book supports a shift away from that churn, which can help reduce tension, improve sleep, and allow better self-care.

What to Be Mindful Of

The book isn’t a replacement for professional therapy or medical advice—if you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, or severe stress from perimenopause, this mindset shift can help, but it may not be sufficient alone.
In some situations, “Let Them” can be misinterpreted as tolerance of abusive or harmful behavior. It’s important to pair the idea with clear boundaries and safety. Doesn’t mean letting everything go or ignoring harm. Robbins touches on this, but individual situations vary.

Take-Home Lessons & How to Use Them Now

If you catch yourself trying to control someone else’s reaction (or fixing others), try “Let Them.” Then switch immediately to “Let Me” and ask: What can I do that honors my needs?
Use these words as a mental stop-signal: when you’re triggered by something outside your control, saying “Let Them” in your head helps release the urge to overdo it.
Pair this mindset with self-care: rest, nutrition, hydrating your skin, taking walks, choosing what feeds you. Because mindset helps—but your body needs care too.
Practice boundaries in small ways—letting go of social expectations, agreeing to fewer obligations, choosing gentler relationships. Over time, it builds.

Final Verdict

If you’re in perimenopause, The Let Them Theory is more than just a self-help book—it’s practically a permission slip. You don’t have to carry everyone else’s expectations. You can protect your peace. You can let go of what you can’t control and focus on what you can.

For anyone feeling stretched thin by mood swings, uncontrollable fatigue, body changes, and external drama, this book gives both comfort and action. It won’t solve everything, but it gives you powerful tools for reclaiming some control—especially over how you respond, which matters more than you think.

Sources & References

The Let Them Theory official page — Mel Robbins. Mel Robbins
Book Summary: Science of People. Science of People
Book Review; The Let Them Theory by Thalia (Notes by Thalia). Notes by Thalia
The Guardian article “‘Let them’: can this viral self-help mantra change your life?” The Guardian

Bonus: How You Might Use This in Your Perimenopause Journey

On days when hot flashes, fatigue, or brain fog make you feel like you’re failing somehow—say “Let Them”—let the symptoms be what they are—and then ask: “What can I do right now that feels kind to me?”
When someone criticizes or pressures you (about your appearance changing, or your productivity, or your social life), try “Let Them”—you accept they have their view—and follow with “Let Me” to decide your response from a place of self-compassion.